7 Things I Wish Someone Would Have Told Me about Dating as a Gay Man

Gay Dating | November 14, 2018

Chances are our parents haven’t sat us down and given us “the talk.” Not the one you’re thinking of — but about how to successfully date in this weird and wonderful world. It can be difficult to honour ourselves physically and emotionally while making an enduring connection with someone else. What can we say, nobody has the magic formula. But here are seven tidbits of information we wish we had been told before embarking on our dating voyage, and hopefully they help you find your way:

1. Dating Some In The Closet Is Tricky

There’s something deeply satisfying about being with a man who has one foot in the closet and the other foot out. Maybe they’re handsome, successful, or married with children. The writing on the wall, however, says this isn’t meant to last. Certainly, this won’t make for a legitimate relationship that satisfies all your needs.

Closeted people aren’t being selfish; they’re just not ready. They don’t know how to move forward at this time. You can be there for them, but don’t hold out for a revelation. It’s a bitter truth to swallow, but getting it down sooner means less pain overall.

2. Don’t Neglect Emotional Intimacy

It can be tempting to skip dinner and head straight to dessert, but some essential steps are left out along the way. You may end up with someone who you totally don’t gel with on a mental and emotional level. If you find it’s happening repeatedly, maybe you need to place more stock in the emotional intimacy portion of dating. Chemistry may fizzle out, but a true emotional connection has enduring power.

3. You’ll Kiss A Lot Of Frogs Before Finding Your Prince

Dating is one of those things that seem like it should be so simple, but really it’s anything but. The reality is that love and relationships sometimes require a lot of trial and error.

Relationships are one of the single greatest ways to grow as individuals. Rarely do we learn more about ourselves than when we’re meshing with someone else. Cinderella may have had it straightforward, marrying the first guy she locks eyes with, but real life isn’t like that. You’ll most likely meet a lot of people you don’t like, some who don’t like you, some who like you enough for only a few dates, and eventually someone who sees all there is to love in you.

4. Decide What You Want In Life

Relationship trajectories are taking all sorts of weird and wild turns in 2018. Some people want marriage and kids, some people want to party like it’s 1999. You and your beau might have great chemistry, but differing life goals can be a major dealbreaker. You both deserve to know what the other person is going for early on so you can make an informed decision to either see where things go or sever ties before emotions are built up.

5. See How They React Under Stress

Some folks become totally different people in a stressful environment. Don’t intentionally sabotage your partner to see how they’ll react, but do keep an eye out for their problem-solving skills day-to-day. Someone who makes a mountain out of a molehill can be exhausting to live with, and the habit can signify greater anger management issues. Pay attention to the object of your affection, taking note of how they diffuse conflict and come to resolutions. A couple that can argue effectively, without resorting to personal attacks, is one that has staying power.

6. Don’t dim your glow for somebody else

Too many people play an act for their partner, emulating what they think that person likes instead of letting their beautiful individuality shine through. This is emotionally exhausting and is a facade that will no doubt crumble over time. Find someone who loves you for you.

7. Take it as a blessing if they flake

Consider a man who flakes as a bullet dodged. In this digital age, it’s all too easy to simply disappear on someone, even if you’ve been on a few dates and have a connection established. Someone who flakes is a person who finds it difficult to have tough but necessary conversations. They’d rather put their own convenience over consideration for the other person. Someone like this is not life partner material.

Dating is hard. We get it. Finding someone who makes you happy and wants all the same things in life you do is like finding a needle in a haystack. But love is no doubt worth it. If you’re honing your own qualities and remaining open to new love possibilities, you’ll eventually find your forever person.

If you’re finding dating too frustrating and time-consuming, let Bespoke Matchmaking help you find a serious candidate. We get to know each person who comes to us so we can make matches based on more than a first impression. Call (888) 357-3364 or visit our contact page here.