Advice For Coming Out

Ask the Expert | January 18, 2017

As a gay man or lesbian, one of the most monumental experiences you will have in your lifetime is coming out – that is, disclosing your sexual orientation for the first time – as this is part of your greater journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. However, coming out is a process that can be painful and exhausting. Here is some advice to help you along the way.

• • Recognize Your Sexuality But Leave Labels Behind If Necessary

One of the first steps in coming out is to acknowledge your sexual orientation. This in and of itself can be difficult. That said, it is also important to recognize that sexuality exists along a spectrum. Sometimes, individuals do not simply fit into defined categories. If you find yourself in this position, simply let go of these labels. This will help you in your journey toward self-acceptance and, ultimately, in coming out. Similarly, do not feel that you have to categorize or define yourself in order to come out.

• • Accepting Yourself First Is The Single Most Important Thing You Can Do

Part of the difficulty that arises in the process of coming out is the fear of rejection. This can be painful. However, you can mitigate these thoughts by first accepting yourself and valuing yourself as an individual. If someone does not accept you, this bears no reflection on you.

• • Do It In Your Own Time And Let Go of Preconceived Notions

Feel comfort in knowing that there is no single best time to come out. If you feel a sense of anxiety to do it, perhaps you are simply not ready. The process of coming out is a highly personal one and will look different for everyone. At the same time, if it happens unexpectedly, embrace this just as much – after all, it is part of your unique journey.

• • Take Small Steps

Sometimes, taking small steps can be easier than to announce to everyone that you are gay. In fact, under no terms are you obliged to tell anyone that you are gay if you aren’t ready. If you want to come out, however, but are having trouble doing so, consider confiding in one person first. This person should be one that you trust and someone who you know will support you. If it doesn’t feel right, it is important to really consider these feelings. Being selective with the first person you tell can encourage you to continue on in your journey. Having this support system is crucial. Of course, do not be afraid of reaching out to a mentor if you want to come out but don’t feel comfortable doing so to a family member or friend.

And above all, remember that you are not alone.

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