How to Date as an Insecure Gay/Bi Man

Gay Dating | July 23, 2018

How To Date As An Insecure Gay/Bi Man

How to date when you’re an insecure gay/bi man isn’t a whole lot different than it is for an insecure straight man. In both cases, we feel insecure because we are worried that our real self is not interesting enough or good-looking enough to attract anyone’s interest. However, realizing that everyone feels this way to some degree or another — whether they want to admit it or not — is half the battle.

Date Ideas For An Insecure Gay/Bi Man

Looks Aren’t Everything

Let’s face it, we all like beautiful things, and we put considerable emphasis on the physical appeal of others. We may well truly believe that inner beauty is what matters, but it’s the outer beauty that first grabs our attention and makes us decide if we want to explore deeper or not. Before you can love another though you have to know how to love yourself. Think of all the sex symbols past and present who did not possess classic good looks and ask yourself what made them so appealing nonetheless. Confidence and self-acceptance play a big role when it comes to coming across as someone that others would like to get to know better.

Don’t Overdo It at the Gym

The main reason for working out should be to promote good health and a sense of well-being. People can become obsessed with achieving that “perfect” body – washboard abs, rippling pecs, firm round butt etc. Not that there’s anything wrong with having a great body but like anything else, going overboard is never good.  You can actually seriously injure yourself by pushing too hard and working out too much, not to mention the many quack diets that are out there that will play havoc with your nervous system. Find an exercise and diet regimen that you can handle comfortably and that promotes a healthy body and a clear mind.

No Relationship is Perfect

Think about all the happy and successful relationships you have been a party to — either your own or those of your friends or family — were they all the same? While there may be certain common threads to all of them — trust, mutual respect to name two — there are as many different types of happy couples as there are happy couples period. Never let others define your relationship for you. If you and your partner are happy with one another, that is all that matters.

Avoid Hook-up Websites

If you’re truly interested in finding and cultivating meaningful relationships then you want to be looking amongst like-minded people.  Hook-up sites will wreak havoc with your self-confidence. Instead, try to focus on cultivating friendships with people with similar interests or whose company you just find stimulating for their own sake. Even if romance doesn’t blossom they may have a friend or friends that are available. If you want to use an app, pick one that is more relationship-focused.

Be Your Best Self

Don’t worry about perfection and other people’s ideas about it. Just put your best self forward as much as possible and when you fall short don’t obsess, learn from the experience and move on. You don’t have to go out of your way to be unpleasant to those around you, but it’s okay to have a bad day now and then. As long as you put your best foot forward, that’s all that matters.

Be Open

Ruts can be comforting things. Even if you’re unhappy, the familiar always feels safer than the unknown.  Take a class, finally go on that trip you’ve been postponing, stay engaged with the world around you in a positive way.  Be receptive to those whose backgrounds and opinions may be different from your own. Rejecting someone who seems perfectly nice in every way because you find out he voted differently from you in the last election is limiting and self-defeating — we can learn something from everyone we encounter.

Cultivate a Good Support System

Maybe you haven’t come out to your family and straight friends yet. Regardless, there are all kinds of families out there that you can be a part of and you will have your back when you need it. Have a special friend or two that you can vent to at any time when everything just gets to be too much.


Doing work for the benefit of someone other than ourselves can be a great tonic for our mental attitude as well as an excellent way to meet other like-minded people. Whether it’s working in a soup kitchen occasionally, tutoring recent immigrants or just running a few errands for your elderly neighbor, selfless behavior not only helps others less fortunate, but it helps us to put our own problems in better perspective.

To help you find “The One,” call Bespoke Matchmaking today at 1-888-422-6464 or contact us here.

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