June 2015 – posted on www.gomag.com

Ask the Expert | June 7, 2015

Dear Carol,
I have just begun a new relationship with a woman I feel completely compatible with. We enjoy the same things and I just love being around her. We have so much chemistry and I just cannot seem to get bored of doing things with her. I don’t want to come across as needy or worry we are spending too much time together as I don’t want us to get sick of each other. Lately I feel like I may be suffocating her. She seems to be quicker to get off the phone with me and has suggested that perhaps we should take a night off to run errands separately as she feels she is falling behind with some of her everyday responsibilities… She did not say it in a negative way or make me feel like anything was wrong I am just not sure how to determine what too much time together is to avoid problems later.
Sincerely,
Suffocating

Dear Suffocating,
In the beginning of every relationship while you are in your honeymoon stage it is normal to want to spend every waking minute together. As time goes on it is not healthy to spend all your time together. Take your cue from your girlfriend and take a night or two off a week to spend time with family or friends or take care of the things that you need to get done around the house. Everyone needs their own personal space. It will make you look forward to seeing each other the next day or talking to each other later that evening. Respect the boundaries between you and her and give her some time to herself. Whether you need it or not, understand that your girlfriend does and you do not want her to feel controlled which will lead to her wanting even more space or out of the relationship. It is important to support each other’s needs and separate time apart as well as each other’s right to privacy. A healthy relationship is built on not needing to spend every waking minute together. The desire to be with each other becomes stronger when you don’t see each other for a night or two. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone most of the time as long as you respect each other’s boundaries and understand and communicate your needs to each other.
Best,
Carol

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