May 2015 – posted on

Ask the Expert | May 7, 2015

Dear Carol,

I’m dating this great guy and everything has been going so well. I want to make this “official” and be in a committed monogamous relationship with him. I am hesitant because all my other boyfriends couldn’t commit. How do I get myself to fully trust someone again? I have nothing against couples who decide to have an open relationship but; that is not something I am willing to do. “Can two gay men really have a monogamous relationship?”


Dan B.

Dear Dan,
You have to trust yourself and your heart and follow it. Gay men have the opportunity to create whatever type of relationship works best for them without the constraints of the societal norm. Gay men are definitely able to have a monogamous relationship if both men in the relationship choose to do so. There are some powerful reasons as to why so many gay men have trouble committing. Unfortunately, one of them being many gay men grew up feeling the need to hide their true selves from their closest family and friends, fearing rejection which can make it difficult for them to develop their own sense of self worth. I believe a lot of gay men continue to seek that validation and are looking for the wrong types of love and attention. If you have decided that you would like a monogamous relationship the most important thing is to communicate with your partner what you are thinking and feeling. Discuss with your partner how important a monogamous relationship is to you and what that actually means. Usually this means sexual and emotional intimacy with each other and no one else. Trust what you are feeling and you will be able to trust in him and your relationship. Keep your lines of communication open and make sure you have a physical and emotional awareness of each other and are equally committed to the relationship. Make sure he is aware that you place a high value on loyalty, trust, commitment and self-control.  If this is what you both want you will definitely be able to have a successful, long-term monogamous relationship.

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