September 2014 – posted on

Ask the Expert | September 7, 2014

Dear Carol,
I am shocked and bewildered on how few people I meet that actually have their own personality, opinions and convictions. The last woman I dated was attractive and seemed genuinely interested in me and very agreeable. It started off well as we seemed to have so much in common. By the 4th date it was clear to me we seemed so much alike as she had no ideas or opinions of her own. I invited her to dinner at a local Indian restaurant as she had mentioned when we met she liked Indian food. I am not a fan of Indian food but; felt I was willing to give it a try again to please her. After a meal that seemed to last forever as my stomach was churning and this certainly was not food that agreed with me I mentioned to her that I certainly was not a fan of Indian food but: I hoped she enjoyed her meal. At that point she turned to me and said “I am glad as I don’t enjoy Indian food either.” That was our 4th and final date. I certainly do not want a woman who does not have a mind of her own and will just agree with everything I say. Why do I seem to attract such weak and mindless individuals?

Dear Bewildered,
We are all attracted to people we seem to share common goals, interests and hobbies with and that is the first sign of a good match. If you had nothing in common with someone there would be no common ground to build a relationship on. However; that is completely different than someone who has none of their own ideas or opinions.
I think in finding a good partner we want someone who has some different interests than we might have and someone who will teach us different things. Someone we will learn from and someone who can learn from us. It is important to be challenged to be the best we can be. We are all individuals and need to have some independence of our own. The next time you feel attracted to someone make sure to ask them questions about themselves and learn about them as an individual. Often when meeting someone we get caught up in the initial attraction and do not really pay attention to what is right in front of us.
Be patient the right person is out there and you will meet her when you least suspect it.

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