The Anxious Lesbian’s Guide to Planning Dates
Dating Tips | November 21, 2018
If the thought of planning a date makes your heart beat faster (and not in a good way), you might be glad to know you’re not alone. Queer girls can stress hardcore about all the steps in dating; there’s no clear manual on how to go about things.
The good news: you’ve already secured the date. Most of the hard work is done. Planning your date is the fun part, even if your anxiety says otherwise.
If you have no idea where to start, here are some pointers:
Talk to her
The more time you spend speaking to her, the more details you can glean about her personality and her preferences. You don’t have to be an expert code-breaker to discern this information. Chances are she’ll let slip in casual conversation that she enjoys books, music, comedy, food, or one of the thousands of other things humans are generally known to like. This will give you a good basis to start planning your date.
Think about your budget
This will vary for everyone, but it’s good to nail down in the planning stages. No use making a reservation at a five-star restaurant if you’re in overdraft from buying textbooks last week. And if it’s a first date, then it’s better not to throw too much money at it. An overly fancy setting will distract you two from each other. It doesn’t cost anything to make a connection.
Think up some scenarios
How would you like to be wooed? Do you want someone to offer you a whole library like Belle (read: go to Chapters and read the back cover of every book while sipping on Starbucks), or would you prefer to be taken to a crazy dance party? Make a list of date ideas and think about which ones suit your date. Some popular ideas are:
- Going to the library and picking out books for each other
- Having a picnic
- Going for coffee
- Grabbing dinner and a movie
- Going thrift store shopping and trying on outfits from the 80s
- Going to see live music
- Checking out a comedy show
- Heading to a museum
- Viewing an art gallery
- Board game cafe
- Pottery class
- Going to a park and throwing a frisbee, kicking a soccer ball
Firm up details
Tell your date what you’re tentatively planning and get her input. Chances are she’ll be blown away that you’ve already put so much thought into your time together. She can confirm she’s into whatever you’re planning, or mention her own ideas she was hoping to do.
Figure out the exact day and time you’ll be meeting and confirm the day before. People can be flakey, but don’t take it personally. The most you can do is a have a running dialogue and ask for verification that plans are still on. If she’s enthusiastically in the loop, then you can look forward to a great time (and be happy you’ve found someone who knows how to text back promptly).
Be easy on yourself
Great girl dates don’t come around every day, so it’s easy to get really worked up about someone who shows positive signs. Try not to put too much pressure on it to work out though. It will come off as desperate to your date, and it undermines the reason you’re dating in the first place: to make YOU happy.
Dating is supposed to be, above all, fun; and it works best when you let go a little bit. We are often hyper-critical of ourselves because no one knows our flaws, our quirks, and our weaknesses quite like we do. A stranger doesn’t see any of those things, though. They just see you. You are your own best company from the moment you enter this world until the moment you leave it. A significant other doesn’t change that fact.
All that being said…
Enjoy the process of planning your date. You succeeded in getting her time and attention. You’re already in the winner’s position. Planning something sweet, thoughtful, and personal will help the two of you get to know each other on a deeper level. With any luck, it will lead to date two, by which point you’ll be strutting with confidence knowing your date enjoyed your first one so much, she couldn’t resist a second.
If you want a more tailored approach to dating, let Bespoke Matchmaking help you find a serious candidate. We get to know each person who comes to us so we can make matches based on more than a first impression and a swipe right. Call (888) 357-3364 or visit our contact page here.